Lost in the bush

 LOST IN THE BUSH

                          September 31st, 3:pm, 2013

                      

“Ow!” I cried, glancing at my cousin angrilly. It was a big sunny day and my family was taking a walk on the hills, let me introdoce mys-Yikes! I soon felt my body falling of the track and strait into the river. I swam towards the shore, hoping to find my family looking for me. But guess what? No-one was there. “NOOOO!!!”

I screamed. But wait! Something was moving behind a tree! What is it? Is it a wolf? Cow? Dog?

                                                   

But it was not any of those. It was a sheep. Wow. I was just SO freaked out that I almost wet my pants! Anyway, I got up to shore and started looking for some food. My mind was spinning with thoughts like: Where are my parents? Do my parents know im lost? How will I get home? Will I survive? Who will come and get me? Is there any food? Thats how my mind was spinning. The horrifying gun sound suddenly filled the woods. Is that a hunter or was that my head? It was an hunter. “YESSSS!” I cried of exitement. The smell of sandwitchs suddenly tickiled my nose. A thought popped up in my mind. I have to follow that smell! And thats what I did.  

                                                  

The wet, thick grass tickiled my ankles on my journey but I did’nt care. I was just worried about my family and that how im all alone in a long, silent forest with dangrous strangers prawling aroud.  I finally   reached the sandwiches but I could’nt be seen so my feet took me to a nearby tree and I ducked behind it. “Watch out, kiddo!!!” A voice called to me, followed bry a gun noise again.

“So thats why you warned me” I yelled. Then the hunter replied: “Did’nt you’re parents tell you not to talk to strangers, kid?” “You talked to me first!!!!!!” I shouted, annoyed. We were fighting for so long that I almost forgot that I was lost with no-one around, well except the hunter of course. Six hours had passed by and we were huddled around a warm (Maybe too warm), comfy campfire.  “So tell me kiddo, whats your name?” Asked the hunter. “Jae-WAIT!!! Your gonna kidnap me!! Im calling the police!!!!!!” I yelled, afraid.

“Relax Mate!!! I can help you” said the hunter. “Ok, I trust you with my life. So whats your name, sir?” I asked calmly. “Carl, Whats yours?” Carl replied. So I told carl and then asked if I could keep one of his pistols and he said I could. I thanked him and then climed into my green camping tent. The next morning I told carl I’m going to explore the woods and thats when I noticed some familiar people jogging towards us, well ME. And I relised who they were: MUM AND DAD!!!!!!!! (OH AND ALSO MY NANA!!!!!!! ) “JAEDYON!!!!!!” They all cried in relife. And then I said my hi’s then we

got on with the gross stuff. We got in the car and had a happy ending. But wait! What about my cousins? (Sigh)!

                                                                           Reflection

One thing I got better at was  (explain & give an example) …Adding humor. Heres a example: I was so scared I almost wet my pants!

How I got better at this was …..By using it a lot in my story and others.

What I still need help with is ...Making more sense in my stories so I get more feedback.

WHAT’s GOOD? One thing that I am most pleased with is ...How it has lots of WOW words and paragraphs.